im 30 and damn do i relate to the friends/(a)romance/and whether one desires a romantic relation, likes the idea of one, (or even being influenced by society because "thats how its done, that's the normal for everyone, right?" [nahhh]). a term that helped me when i was younger was quoiromantic, which means you cant tell the difference between romantic and platonic attraction. oh my GOD theres a character count💀

i've learned that approaching relationships (friends or partners) one step at a time is okay. we don't have to understand every aspect of ourself and we don't need to conform ourselves to what any aspect of society expects of us. not sure what religion you follow, but if it's abrahamic (for lack of better word lol), god created humans in gods own image and likeness. which means not only is there not a "wrong" way...

to be, we're also born with the freedom of becoming anything that fits, and changing & recreating ourselves as we live our lives. even god has a complicated relationship with people. within judaism, god is a partner, a parent, an adversary, a debater. relationships not making sense...makes sense. c: also TOTALLY relate with the circadian rhythm oof. glad you have space that accomodates your needs.

I am so incredibly sorry to hear of your past mistreatment in the hospital. I am appalled to read how you were treated at what is one's most psychologically vulnerable. I was a wreck myself in the hospital, I cannot imagine what it would have done to me if I was, in addition, treated as you describe. I am thankful that you have gotten through it, and I do pray that God will heal any remaining hurt you carry!

EXCELLENT rhythm and rhyming scheme, and it's always impressive to see a clean line break on the word "but" imo. the fifth stanza got me tearing up and struggling to keep reading it aloud without my voice breaking, and five stanzas is SO clever i didn't even notice until i counted them out to reference the fifth. and your word choice is amazing, the math alliterations were so clever