hot sun, cool air
Hello, my name is Virtua Wug.
I am a Wug, which is like a kind of thing. I have so much Virtua Fighter in my DNA that I became Virtua, too.
I am on a journey to do my very best. Will you join me?
blue sky, clear water
Wednesday August 26 2026 - Listening to Mode Select from the Aqua Rush soundtrack.
I struggle with cooking anxiety. For a long time, the most complicated cooking-related tasks I could accomplish were popping frozen meals in the microwave, popping frozen meals in the oven, preparing rice in a rice cooker, or cooking ramen on the stove.
I am not the most physically coordinated woman; I am quite clumsy and I am in the habit of dropping things, bumping into things, tripping, &c. Even at the computer, I fatfinger keyboard keys or buttons on my game controllers all the time. This is why I don't have a driver's license! But, this poor coordination is one factor contributing to my cooking anxiety. I'm afraid of dropping things, burning myself, spilling stuff... I'm really afraid of starting fires, too.
I am also anxious about wasting food, disappointing loved ones with subpar meals, or worse, undercooking their meals and making them ill.
Last year I cooked scrambled eggs for the first time, and the stress actually caused me to faint. At the time it felt incredibly humiliating; "it's just eggs, what are you freaking out for?" But in retrospect, I needed to extend more compassion to myself for having a psychosomatic reaction I didn't choose to have instead of beating myself up for it.
After that, I've become resolved to work on my cooking anxiety, bit by bit, and just a few days ago I grilled my very first cheese!
I ate so many grilled cheeses as a little kid that I thought I'd be burnt out on them for the rest of my life, so I was shocked at how tasty this one was. It's just whole wheat bread, American cheese, baby Swiss, some black pepper, garlic powder, and Smart Balance spread with olive oil. (Maybe I should try adding broccoli florets next time...)
It was exciting, and comforting, and fun to accomplish this, no matter how small of a feat it was in the scope of everything. There is still a part of me which means to feel embarrassed over it, but I still did something and I mustn't feel embarrassed for trying. Not for trying and failing, and especially not for trying and succeeding.
I don't know what I'll learn how to cook next, but it's become easier to motivate myself to get into the kitchen and make something.